I Couldn't Be a Pirate
Jake Nelson
As legend has it, pirates would sometimes entertain themselves by putting each other on mock trial for piracy. This song is a tribute to that tradition - other singers can give verses explaining why they couldn't possibly be pirates, in the vein of Nelson's Blood or Sammy's Gone Away (sample verses included).
LYRICS
No I couldn't be a pirate, guv, I swear I couldn't be
No I never loot or plunder, I'm an honest sailor, me
If you listens to me evidence I'm sure you will agree
That I swear I couldn't possibly be a pirate
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause [insert your reason here]
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause [insert your reason here]
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause [insert your reason here]
No I swear I couldn't possibly be a pirate
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause I haven’t got a hook…
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause I've still got both me legs…
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause I cannot grow a beard…
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause I never touch the grog…
No I couldn't be a pirate ‘cause I never shout ahoy…
OPTIONAL ENDING LINE: OK, fair cop, you got me - I'm a pirate!